fear

I spent 4 hours at the doctor’s office. I have never feared more for my life. It took a whole bunch of people to calm me down. Dying “naturally” sounds easy compared to what the surgeon has in mind. All surgeons have big egos. This guy has the biggest ego in the whole wild world. It would be fun to see he and Trump together ๐Ÿ˜›

So…I get to the clinic and I wait….and wait….and wait. The pharmacy guys are worried that I’m still sitting there. Then an office person comes over and whispers that the surgeon is at his other office and didn’t know or forgot about my appointment with him. I get put in an exam room. They sayย he will be here in a half hour. I make an incredulous face. I ended up waiting 2 hours before the guy showed up.

The surgeon comes in and wants to talk about how he’s eating jelly beans for breakfast. It was so important he told me the next time he came back in the room, too. He popped in and out of the examination room for the next 2 hours. There was no such thing as having an intelligent conversation with him.

I have to admit….there were a couple of parts I enjoyed ๐Ÿ™‚ He had all sorts of bad names and put-downs for the surgeon who did my hysterectomy. He obviously despises the guy. Then when I talked about the idiot neuro at the U, he went off on a tirade calling that guy even worse things than I have ever said….or even thought of. I wish I had a recording of all that ๐Ÿ™‚

He also went on to trash every surgeon and neuro and rheumatologist and you-name-it kind of doc that I have ever seen in my whole life. The guy does not have a shred of humility in his being. He knows more, is the best and no one on earth can compare with how talented he is. At first it was gratifying that he hated the docs I despise…..until I realized he pretty much just hates everybody that’s not him ๐Ÿ˜›

only-tool

The surgeon could not be bothered with finding out about me before he knew exactly what to do to make me all better through a succession of surgeries. He decided I needed bariatric surgery to lose 150 pounds. Then he would do a hernia reduction and next a thymectomy. He said he was going to call my old neuro and force him to take me back as a patient. He assured me the neuro would have no problem with that ๐Ÿ˜› He said it would also be easy for him to get me IVIg. It only got crazier from there. No matter what the obstacle, he knew someone who could fix it.

He was dumbfounded when he heard that I get $1.05/meal and that 75% of my $733 disability goes for rent. He figured I should be able to buy my way out of every situation. He bolted out in the hallway and demanded that the nurses get me a social worker. They told him my insurance would not pay for one. He thought a social worker could get me more money somehow ๐Ÿ˜› He had the whole office on edge.

I was actually fearing for my life. The guy was soooo off the wall bombastic and dictatorial and NUTS that I was scared about what havoc he was going to cause. He seemed incapable of sitting still and thinking things through. He would loudly say things to people working there as he popped in and out of rooms. No one could tell if he was done with me or not. He never was still.

meltdown

About 3 and a half hours into this ordeal, he had been gone for quite a while. I went out and told the nurse that I really needed to use the bathroom…and I had no idea what was up with the surgeon. When the nurse opened the door leading to the bathroom, I started whispering things to him….asking him if he thought the doc was crazy. Soon I was sobbing. The NP and 2 guy nurses came in the exam room to talk to me, one by one. Nobody was impressed with this new doc. It wasn’t just me. Then the office manager came in. He asked me to fill out an evaluation of the surgeon.

I asked if the surgeon bought the place? He said no. I then asked how anyone could possibly hire someone like him to work there? He said the hire was before he started. NOBODY likes this nutcase surgeon! The clinic has always been my safe place….the calm and loving side of healthcare. Now I am petrified ๐Ÿ˜ฎ It’s going to take hours and days to calm down after that surgeon. Lots to process….again.

All along I kept trying to talk about actual problems and what to do about them….like my diaphragm not working very well. He insisted that the hernia should be making my diaphragm work better. Of course all the other docs and medical literature says otherwise. He also came up with all sorts of false beliefs about myasthenia gravis. At first he told me that IVIg was not an effective treatment for MG. Funny how he changed his mind about that at some point and started saying even if no one else could get me IVIg…he could. It did not take long to figure out the guy was all bluster and boastfulness with very little real knowledge about much of anything but doing surgery. He should stick to that. And there is no chance I would ever, ever, ever let the guy cut me open!

I have been home a few hours. Still trying to calm down. At 2:30 PM, my blood sugar was 94. That’s with no food all day, no insulin boluses and no meds since 3 AM. Like an idiot, I figured I would take my morning meds when I got home from my doc appointment. Of course I did not know I would be there 4 hours! I didn’t miss food. Every time I eat, I am in serious pain.

wise-men

Well, first I wrote the above, then 2 women came to see me and drop off a Christmas card. Then the guy who wants to adopt Olive came to pet her. Around 4 PM, I got up to pee. My body was like melting jello. I could barely function. Then I decided to take my blood sugar. It had only been an hour and a half. I was down to 60 ๐Ÿ˜ฎ By then, I could barely think or move. I ate one of my emergency candy bars and took all my meds. Oh, my gosh! My head hurts soooo bad! I forgot how much I hurt all over without steroids and diclofenac. Geezum crow!

I don’t know what’s up with me. I have been chilled bone deep since maybe 2 AM. No amount of heat is warming me up. My hands are ice cubes. I keep getting cramps in my feet. I cannot stop shivering. I am totally covered in goosebumps.

Pfffttt….I went to bed at 5:30. Woke up at 8 PM and thought it was the next day. I woke up burning up hot. I forgot about the chills until I came back here and read it. When I got in bed my hands and feet were frozen. Just now I had to stick my head under the sink and sit in front of the fan to cool off.

I got a message from the crazy surgeon to call a neurologist. It’s the same guy the last neuro told me to call. I did call his office back in August….and was told I needed a referral. I contacted the woman neuro who wanted me to see him….twice. No referral was ever sent. It was soon after that, that pretty much every doc gave up on me and I was referred to hospice.

I also got an email from the hospice nurse who was here. Her company will not take me after all and they are giving my name to a company that my good ol’ nurse Chris now works at. This really is the story of my life….isn’t it? The nurse at the clinic who does the paperwork for all these referrals has no idea why this is such a tortuous process to find me help. I do. No one wants a complicated patient with crummy insurance.

Now throw into the mix another doc who does not want me in hospice…but wants to do at least 3 major surgeries on me. I would never do it….but I can now understand better why someone might off themselves. There is such a thing as healthcare hell….and I am in it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Yup….process overload. I need a lot more sleep and time to think.

Oh….and I just tested my blood sugar. Since I took steroids and fell asleep, now I am up to 229. Isn’t life fun?

crazy

Advertisements