Freeze dried rose

Do you know how many times I have been turned down as a candidate for surgery? Me, neither….but it’s a lot.


Dried grass heads

When I was diagnosed with myasthenia gravis, imaging was done that suggested my thymus was enlarged. I could not get my thymus removed because I had CHF and no surgeon was willing to operate on me. This year, they finally came out with a study recommending MG patients go ahead and get thymectomies even if there is no thymoma. I have always wondered if that would have helped me.


Snow in sage

In Florida and then in New York, imaging showed I had gallstones. One of them pretty much took up my whole gallbladder, While I was in Florida, it became infected and the doc wanted to operate, but no surgeon was willing to take the risk. I got better with antibiotics. There was a gastroenterologist in the Adirondacks who said he was going to operate on me, but I forget now why it never happened. The bariatric surgeon refused to operate on me in the ADK’s. Later I went low carb and lost 170 pounds and went back to them to see if I could get loose skin removed.


When I was in my 30’s, I had a rectocele repair operation. I got wrecked from giving birth to a 9 1/2 pound baby. There were all sorts of complications like infection, blood clots and I needed blood transfusions. Well, after time, I needed that operation again, plus cystocele repair. No surgeon was willing to risk it.


For many, many years I had extremely heavy menstrual bleeding. It was discovered that my whole abdomen was full of endometriosis. The doc spent half an hour breaking up adhesions laparoscopically. A hysterectomy was recommended by quite a few GYN’s over the years, but no surgeon was willing to operate. When I was told I had endometrial cancer here in Utah, there seemed to be no choice but to get operated on. The surgeon blew off all my concerns. Like an idiot, I trusted him….and look what happened.


I have diverticulitis, colon to organ fistulas and other intestinal problems. The recommendation was for me to have my bowels resected and the damaged portions removed. Again, no surgeon was willing.


When I was in my 20’s, my appendix burst. I had peritonitis all throughout my abdomen. I’m lucky I lived through that. I got cut from one side of my belly to the other in order to clean out the infection.


There have been other operations like the gash in my foot, a broken leg and ankle, calcium growing through my leg near the knee, a tonsillectomy…and probably more. I almost always had infections and other complications from surgery. One time I fell off the table under anesthesia ๐Ÿ˜ฎ Many times it was hard to wake me up after anesthesia. A few times I needed to stay intubated.


West Nile Virus seemed to make everything worse. Those of us with WNV have experienced repeated infections that are hard to treat. I have needed IV antibiotics to recover. And, of course my body is very sensitive to antibiotics and seems to get the worst side effects like c-diff and that time I became psychotic for a couple of hours. Details, huh? Well, yesterday’s surgeon never asked me about any of my past history. He didn’t care. He figures he is such a superior surgeon that all that matters is his skill ๐Ÿ˜ฎ ย For him to propose 3 major surgeries on a 60 year old wreck is crazy. It took 3 years for the last surgery to heal shut. I went through a heck of a lot of torture from all that. Remember that the last surgeon would not stand by me after he caused all that trauma? Remember all the scary days of trying to get wound care? I sure do.


This self-aggrandizing surgeon who wants to cut me open is 71 years old. He cannot even be bothered to get to know me and my medical history before planning all that major surgery. How much longer is he going to be a practicing doctor? If he cannot even show up to an appointment until 2 hours later, how reliable would he be after he sliced me open? He would lose interest in a flash. Reviews about him online are a mixed bag. He is well known for making people wait hours for appointments….not because he is busy…but because he gets a rush from the power trip.


Hmmm…I just checked on the shipping of my new lifeline phone. It started in Georgia on the 7th and got to Billings, MT at 5 AM today. I have mostly enjoyed having no phone ๐Ÿ™‚ It’s inconvenient not to be able to buzz people in the front door…but I love not being interrupted by a phone! I very much prefer email. It’s easier to think and people can usually understand what I am saying ๐Ÿ˜› I have no idea what sort of cellphone is coming. With other companies, they sent out whatever outdated technology was cheapest. I liked having my $5 phone in case I needed to dial 911.


Dead tomatoes

11 AM and 34 degrees outside. I have my window wide open ๐Ÿ™‚ I missed being able to do that. I’m glad weather forecasters were wrong about having teens and single digit temps. This storm blowing through is bringing moisture and warmer air. Fine with me ๐Ÿ™‚ We are supposed to get feet of snow in the mountains.

wintery-bleakness cold-collards droopy-green fallow garden-gate winter-garden

Ha ha ha ha ha! After saying I don’t miss the phone, I got home from a trip to the grocery store and heard beeping. I could not figure out what it was. Over an hour’s time I guessed each of the 2 wheelchairs, the smoke detector, the carbon monoxide alarm, something in my bedroom, etc. It was maddening to be quiet and try to pinpoint the beeps. Then I remembered the emergency phone in the pocket of the wheelchair! Duh. It had a low battery.


Now, back to my store trip. During the noon news, the local Wunderground said it was 46.5 degrees out there. It sure felt good with the window open. That site said rain was expected at 2:45. That meant I had 1.5 hours to get there and get back. It had been 8 days since the last store visit and my free Friday downloads were expiring….plus I needed to take out garbage. So I got dressed. OMG! I got a piercing pain in my left upper leg. It felt like past blood clots. I figured I was probably safer on the streets than alone at home, so took off.


Leaving the grocery store

I was soooooooo disoriented in the store! Scary. Luckily I had a list of free stuff with me. It took a long time of criss-crossing back and forth to find things. On the way to the store, it had been gloomy, but relatively warm. Snow melt was streaming off some roofs. When I got out of the store, there was bright sunshine and blue sky above Smith’s. For the 7 blocks home it got darker and darker. I got home at 2:40 and the weather quickly deteriorated.


Almost home

I tried to spend most of the day NOT thinking about doctors or how bad I feel. I certainly don’t know what to think about my life/death. So far, I’m still here.