Last night was awful and today has been awful. It sums up most of my life right now. I’m either having wicked painful chills, or sweat is pouring down me and my hair is soaked. Well….sometimes I am going from one to the other.


Friday night the swellings were horrific. It felt like I was going to split my skin. I had noticed bumps before, but this time I took pictures. What the heck is going on with my skin? Is it a consequence of the edema or are the bumps for some other reason? They feel like hard little pebbles.


This morning was the pits! I sat here in my chair with the heat up ridiculously high and had teeth chattering chills while my arms were covered in goose bumps. The ice went all the way through me. After enduring hours of chills, I got in bed and only napped an hour. It seemed like forever.


The grossest thing is my leaky leg. It has been leaking a lot each day. My whole apartment stinks 😦 I have towels everywhere like on the ottoman, on the floor near where I sit, on top of my bed, etc. But…when I walk across the floor, I leave a trail of puddles. In bed the juice soaks into the memory foam and bedding. It’s everywhere 😮 I was reading about what the edema is made of. It’s the fluid that leaks out of blood vessels.

The cold sweats I had while sleeping yesterday are happening today while awake. The slightest exertion and sweat starts pouring down my head as if someone turned on a spigot. As it hits my face, it’s cold! Feels weird. I wonder what it means? For example….all I was doing was filling 3 little tubes of insulin for my pump from a vial. How hard can that be???


I have not been out of my apartment since Wednesday. I need to get mail and take out garbage. When it comes to food….I have plenty. I have hardly eaten anything in days. The only person I have talked to since the hospital is my shrink. A woman came to my door while he was here, but never came back. Truthfully….I am a bit scared of human interaction. If someone shows up at one of my worst times, I cannot talk intelligibly, let alone think. I hate being a whiny, crying idiot 😦 I can look out my window, watch folks go by and feel not alone.


At some point of each day, I consider going to a hospital. But I feel too sick to clean up and leave, so just stay home and hope it will all disappear. That’s a strategy, right?

I never did talk much about the ER visit. That’s because I am all talked out about it on one of my support groups. From the time I got there until after I was home, we kept up a running conversation. I copied and pasted it. It’s a 16 page Google document! I struggle over writing a blog post on my sickest days. It’s hard to think.